The Groom of the Stool: The Royal Butt-Wiper Who Ran England

The Groom of the Stool: The Royal Butt-Wiper Who Ran England

Yes, you read that right. There was once an official court position in England called the Groom of the Stool — and no, “stool” didn’t mean furniture. This was the highly trusted servant responsible for helping the monarch answer nature’s call, cleaning them up afterwards, and managing all matters… down there.

It sounds like the worst job in history, but here’s the twist: the Groom of the Stool was one of the most influential figures in the royal household. Because when you’re literally attending the king on the loo, you hear everything.

From Privy Duty to Political Influence

The role emerged during the reign of Henry VII and became especially prominent under his son, Henry VIII. At first glance, the duties seem humiliating — assisting with royal undergarments, providing water and towels, and discreetly handling “the royal output.” But in reality, this job granted daily one-on-one access to the most powerful man in the country.

In an age when politics thrived on whispered secrets, the Groom of the Stool was perfectly positioned to influence decisions, deliver petitions, and become a royal confidant. Many Grooms went on to become high-ranking courtiers and even members of the Privy Council.

Not Just Wiping — Managing the Royal Finances

By the late Tudor period, the role expanded beyond chamber duties. The Groom of the Stool also oversaw the king’s private finances, handled his personal correspondence, and managed access to the sovereign. In effect, this meant that the man in charge of the royal bum was also running parts of the kingdom.

💡 Fun fact: Sir Anthony Denny, Groom of the Stool to Henry VIII, was the man who told the king he was dying.

Why We’re Still Talking About It

The position faded away in the 17th century, but it remains a reminder that history is often stranger (and funnier) than fiction. The Groom of the Stool is the perfect example of how proximity to power — no matter the context — can make even the most undignified job a stepping stone to greatness.